TrollWare

(Please note: I am in no way looking for pity, I am just putting my thoughts out there so I can get them off my mind.) Some random things I have thought about while i was in the car and away from my computers this weekend. I am not any good at casting video games, mainly because I am a very socially awkward and socially shy person. I mean I can stream and not talk but what fun is that for people? When I play video games I usually sit in silence, unless I get mad then I yell and stop playing for a while. People usually want to hear people talk about the game or rage over something if they fail. So it is very unlikely for me to stream anything alone, unless I have friends on skype or playing (and talking) with me. Second, I suck at everything(with some exceptions). There are things I have always wanted to learn/do and either never got around to doing them, got too frustrated at myself or just lose interest in(because of ADD or something else). You can give me a broken computer and I can usually fix it in about an hour(depending on what is broken), but if you ask me to code some basic java, I freeze up and draw blanks. Another thing is make YouTube videos. I tried doing this awhile back just making basic vlog(video diary or video log), just to keep a record of everything I did for my future self. After about 3 months or so I just got rather bored of it, either because of my hatred of hearing my own voice, the lack of enthusiasm or my rather boring life. Most of the people that make vlogs on youtube either are boring as hell or doing a ton of cool things all the time. There are tons of things I would love to, like learn to code(in more than 1 language), learn another spoken language, lose some weight(can't really exercise because of my asthma that is exercise and physical stress induced), travel the world or even work for a bunch of really cool tech companies(like Google, or be an Apple genius bar guy). I don't know what it is that is really preventing me from doing these things. Things like frustration and anxiety should not prevent you from doing something you love or want to do. I don't know if it the job I have, that gives me comfort because I can I say almost 99% of the time that I know what I am doing or if it my lack of motivation and my rather extreme procrastination. I don’t mean this to sound like a rant or that I am complaining that I suck at everything, but I don’t have a girlfriend(yep I am sad, as I have never had a gf) or other person I really feel comfortable telling these things to. Then I wonder why I am even putting them online to begin with. I guess I just want people to know these things. I may add more things to this if they come to mind or I might just start another entry.